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The Aldershot manager Mark Molesley has given “the greatest ever football interview” – a surrealist masterpiece.


Hi, I’m Chloe and this is the Playmaker.

One story every day to make sense of the world of football. 

Today, how many ostriches does it take to give a press conference? 


Does anyone really listen to what managers are saying in press conferences? 

“But it’s football. And that’s er…life sometimes we erm…all you can do is focus on the quality of our performance which we were really really pleased with. Of course you know that Crystal Palace are going to come back erm…a bit stronger in the second half…I thought they did but not so much…like I said I thought we were the better team and er deservedly got something from the game which is pleasing for us.”

Brighton & Hove Albion

That was Brighton boss Graham Potter after a 1-1 draw with Crystal Palace last weekend. 

Saying a lot but really saying very little at all. 

And it’s become the norm for football managers – trying to fulfil their obligations to the press, but unable, or unwilling, to give much insight. 

So when Aldershot Town boss Mark Molesley gave this pre-match interview, it struck a chord.

“So Mark…FA Trophy tie against Bromley. What’s your thoughts ahead of the game?”

“If a tree falls… and no-one can… is there to hear it fall… does it make a noise? So… does a penguin get cold? What way does your bath water go… clockwise or anti-clockwise when you take the plug out? These are questions that are going to be asked of us, these are questions we’ve gotta have the answers to.”

Aldershot Town FC

And there’s more…

“Terry’s brought a briefcase in… you know… he’s got four Japanese talking dogs in there…”

Aldershot Town FC

And it’s not like Mark Molesley is the first man in football to give a rather surreal interview. 

Remember this?

“When the seagulls follow the trawler, it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you.”

Sky Sports

Here’s former Leicester boss Nigel Pearson…

“If you don’t know the answer to that question… then I think you… you are an ostrich.”

BT Sport

And don’t blame the politicians for our withdrawal from Europe…

“You know, if there is some difficulty to have the agreement of erm… of the Brexit, it’s my fault.”

BT Sport

Send your complaints to Mr J. Mourinho.

And experienced boss Ian Holloway has become famous for so-called “Ollie-isms.”  There’s even a book with a compilation of his off-the-wall quotes. 

“Even in my wife’s shopping, I’m trying to plan for this new house we’ve moved into… we need some milk, and some bread… on a regular basis, we can’t buy it all at the start then wait ‘till January ‘cos it’ll all be gone off. So I can’t tell you exactly who I’m gonna need with injuries, suspensions and by the time January comes I like to go down the shop and buy the odd bits and pieces of stuff to save other clubs going bust.”

Brendan Bennett

But back to Aldershot’s Mark Molesley… unlike Ian Holloway, he’s not well-known for surreal press conferences. 

So why did he do it? 

It seems like Molesley enjoys joking around behind closed doors. Because the interview was never actually intended to be published.

The Aldershot media department were apparently just testing the microphone set up ahead of the real pre-match interview. 

But after they’d filmed it, they decided to put the practice version out instead.

And that decision paid off… it went viral.

You may be disappointed to hear that after the match, a 2-0 defeat to Bromley, Mark Molesley returned to business as usual. 

“Yeah, real frustrating afternoon for us. There wasn’t a lot in the game, apart from they showed the quality when it was needed and we didn’t…and erm…”

Aldershot Town

I wonder what Terry’s talking Japanese dogs had to say about the result…

Today’s episode was written by Chloe Beresford, and produced by Xavier Greenwood.