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Friday 18 January 2019

How To Get On With Brexit

A poem (with apologies to John Betjeman’s How To Get On In Society)

By Joe Joseph

Phone for a meeting of Cabinet
As the nation’s a little unnerved;
The referendum result was a challenge
But May says it must be observed.‘What’s Plan B?’ we all ask Theresa.
‘Is it Canada? Or should we remain?’
Norway Plus Plus is maybe an option
But leaving deal-less is surely insane.

The verdict of Parliament was bruising
May’s deal fell two thirty votes short
That sort of glitch — if it happened at NASA — Would have Mission Control screaming ‘Abort!’


Do you wonder if Barnier is smirking?
And if Juncker is toasting with Krug?
While Boris, Gove, Hunt and ‘The Sajid’
Vie for an edge in their Downing Street fugue?

The ‘No Confidence’ motion has foundered
So Theresa is safe for a while
(That’s using ‘safe’ in the sense that a rabbit
Is safe napping near a marsh crocodile).


As that deadline for leaving draws closer
Where’s the plan that’s as cunning as a fox (not Liam);
That respects the true will of the people
And can be boomed out by that ham Geoffrey Cox?May’s enemies are circling around her,
From Corbyn and Rees-Mogg to Grieve,
A great nation, mouth gaping, is wondering:
Has she got anything snuck up her sleeve?

Will she stay in the EU’s customs union
And relax about border controls?
Is that May’s compromise for our future
Or is that notion all total Boles?


The one thing we can all say for certain
Is we’re weary and we ache to move on
Before a country being battered by Brexit
Finds its get-up-and-go has all gone.